One Bite At A Time aka La vie de La Grosse.

Being poor and jobless is about as fun as it sounds.

It’s about as fun as putting that extra time (that you could have taken to find yourself a job) into extra French workshops to embellish on the course itself, but still failing the midterm exam.

Passing the course thankfully reset my self esteem to neutral, and we’re back on track.

I’ve been handing out resumes like Santa Claus handing out toys to rich kids at Christmas.

Speaking of, mine was great!

I finally got to get to know the people who had been there encouraging me along the struggle that was realizing the entrance to my brain can only handle 15 hours of French class per week.

We did all sorts of cool things!

We went on see-saws in downtown Montreal, they lit up and made music when they hit the ground!

We went to the top of Mount Royal! (My first time in almost 6 months!! No ragrets!)

And best of all…

We ate too much!

Yes sir it was a successful Christmas.

People even cried!

I almost cried when my workaway buddy of a month just left.

But I didn’t.

This girl is so awesome! She’s from Slovenia, a European country that even some people in the neighbouring country of Italy have never even heard of. She speaks Slovenian, English, and French and she has already travelled so much of the world!

But surely she doesn’t deserve all the attention! The hostel is bustling with cool people right now!

My Haitian and British Columbian friends are still here, the Swiss friend is off doing her cool Swiss things.

Now we have a French girl, she calls me “ma grosse” (my fatty) and “petite pute” (little bitch).

We’re really quite good friends.

Just in this week an exchange student from New Zealand. Probably the chillest guy you will ever meet.

He’s been teaching me some mean new expressions for my arsenal of foreign slang.

The day it snowed NZ guy and BC guy squeed like kids at Christmas, and yes indeed, it filled my heart with such short-lived joy.

They will see...

Other than meeting these cool new people I’ve been truly enjoying the holiday season. I’ve read a book, written two zines, sorted through some of my old stuff, made a ton of Christmas cards for my family and friends,

and soon I’ll make a snowman!

I’ve been practicing my French for sure. I’ve committed now to watching my movies only in French, since my listening skills are still the worst, and are in fact the only skill in which I actually failed on the final exam.

After two months of that intensive course I still have so far to go.

But it’s ok. Learning a second language is as easy as eating an elephant; an elephant in the room named You’re Broke And Jobless.

I eat him one bite at a time.

Maybe one day I will look back on this retrospectively and be both amused and abhorred at the naivité of my youth. Like I did when I found my journal from 2009, where I began my first adventure to Western Canada.

Back then I only had boys to worry about, and I knew everything.

Now, I have only money to worry about, and I know nothing.

I wonder… 6 years from now when I’m 30 years old... what will I say?

One thing’s for sure, whatever it is I will say it in French.

More to come soon my beloved readers. Thanks for reading!

Happy New Year!

Bonne année! Santé!

Because It's Sexy When I Say, "Vieillard" & Other Reasons Why Learning French is Worth It.

"It's so sexy when you say vieillard."

"Say vieillard!"

I have yet to come across an anglophone who would say to me, "It's so sexy when you say old man."

"Say old man! Say it again!"

I've heard fellow western anglophone Canadians say that they would be afraid to move to Montréal because they would have to learn French, and to that I say:

I don't blame you.

Learning a second language is hard.

And indeed the older you are the harder it gets. When I first moved to Montréal I could not make a single complete sentence in French. Despite ten years of French class in elementary and high school, all that retained with me after a six-year pause for university were:

• Comment ça-va? How are you?
• Quel temps fait-il aujourd'hui? How is the weather today?
• Vivre la résistance! Live the resistance!

And a few other phrases that were especially useless when I couldn't understand the person's response. 

A few times I embarrassed myself.

ME

 Au revoir Thom. Je te moucher.

THOM

(laughs and laughs and laughs)

Oh my god. You have no idea what you just said.

What I wanted to say:

ME

Bye Thom. I'll miss you.

What I actually said:

ME

Goodbye until we meet again Thom. I blow your nose.

It can be so frustrating. For a time it feels like your learning so fast and then you hit a plateau where it feels like you are learning nothing. You read children's picture books and they're still too hard, you don't understand anybody and when you talk you sound like a baby, or a really-really-really drunk person. You repeat yourself, you ask people to repeat themselves, you frustrate them, you frustrate yourself, you look up the word, you forget it, you try to say it, you say it wrong, you repeat, and the cycle continues and it only gets marginally better every day.

Early on in my adventure the prettiest of my bosses told me, "Ne lâche pas la patate!" an expression which means "Never give up!" but directly translates to, "Don't let go of the potato!"

And another friend told me not to be afraid to speak; make mistakes with confidence and when you make too many, say these words: "Je ne regrette rien!" I regret nothing!

Which lead me to Edith Piaf and her renowned smash-hit song on this very subject. Here it is with English subtitles, you can play it while you read the rest if you like!

It's become my theme song; an anthem, and it applies to so much more than just my decision to learn French. It's the tune I hum as I scrub toilets with one hand, and hold a fine arts degree with the other.

"Don't let go of the potato," what does that even mean? Why am I holding a potato? What is the potato???

It's so hard! Even with taking 25 hours of class per week plus practicing with fellow colleagues every day it feels like I am learning as fast as a snail crawling uphill through peanut butter.

I look back to four months ago when I talked like a baby, I now have the relative grammar and comprehension of a four-year-old.

Throughout my lifetime I have accumulated this great big ego, and now I daily endure the slings and arrows (<-Shakespeare thank you!) of disappointment, embarrassment, and seemingly-wasted hard work. This is especially true when someone asks me for help and I cannot give it to them.

Sometimes I get so frustrated I just want to quit and go back to where I came from. I don't need to speak French in Canada...

"I don't need to speak French in Canada."

Wait...

I'm a person from small-town Manitoba, where I grew up around a language that they speak in the province to my right, the province to my left, and in the entire country below me.

Knowing English has enabled me to travel the width of my vast country with ease, and have the opportunity to obtain jobs without having to prove my language proficiency.

I don't need to learn French. I don't need to learn a second language, and what a privilege that is indeed.

Would somebody from small-town Québec say, "I don't need English"?

NO!!!

Well, maybe.

But I know if it were me I would have no choice but to learn English if I ever wanted to leave my small town, just to go somewhere within my own country. Even if I wanted to go to Montréal bilingualism is a strong asset and in some cases necessary for the English and the Québecois to find work. Despite the vast accessibility of English media and the common belief that it is an "easier" language to learn, the fact remains:

Learning a second language is hard.

Then I take my attention away from my poor precious ego, and I look at the people surrounding me.

There are people who've given me their utmost patience and grace, and in doing so have helped me succeed in sounding like a four-year-old, and will surely continue supporting me long after I sound like a five-year-old.

There are  people who I couldn't have met had they not also at some point learned a second language.

There are people who I never could have talked to if I hadn't learned their language.

And all of these people are the reasons why it's worth it.

Why don't I let go of the potato?

Si vous comprenez ceci, c'est à cause de vous.

I leave you today, with a quote from my grade 8 French teacher to the class clown.

"Learn French Mitch, because one day you will meet the love of your life and she will only speak French. Then what will you do?" -- M. Luko

Meeting the Naked Calendar Lady & Other Cool Things I Do With All This Time On My Hands

Without a cafe job I have been able to study French, do yoga, and a whole bunch of other things I like to do like: read, draw, and receive kindness from strangers.

I've chosen not to stress about this whole losing my job fiasco. It was just a cafe, do I really need to mourn the loss of pouring coffee?

No? Good.

So since my last post the cool things that have happened have been:

1) Halloween.

The coolest part of this night is I got to spend it with someone from France and someone from Switzerland who have never experienced Halloween before. It was a fantastic night, and I am so glad that they will remember that as their first Halloween.

2) French school.

Twenty hours per week is a lot of hours but I quite enjoy learning the language. My teacher is Santa Clause, so that's nice. He doesn't give us anything though; except education that we can use for the rest of our lives. Oh and he hates children.

But he's Santa Clause because of his white beard, round spectacles, and jolly demeanour.

Fact: The French word for Santa Clause is “le Pére Noel.” So if I ever refer to my French teacher I think that is the name I will use for him, delightful man.

This is also where I was on the receiving end of Human kindness. A woman came into the class offering help for anyone needing financial assistance. That was me! I went into her office with nothing but my story and left with a food bank and an application for financial aid. Turns out she's a single mother who just wants to help people, like how she was helped in the first years of her child's life. Beautiful woman. Truly an unsung hero.

3) Friends

Lately my close group of friends at the hostel consists of two British Columbians, a Swiss, and a Haitian. They are a hilarious bunch.

The friends I meet here are often temporary. We meet. We fall in love. They leave. We never make promises that we will see each other again, but relish the fact that the world is small, and that there are still many more adventures to be had, and maybe in one of those adventures we will see each other again. I have quite a few friends like this now. One on every inhabited continent, and for that I feel very very lucky indeed.

That being said, I've now been invited to two actual apartments for beers and for Thanksgiving! I have a friend who comes over and watches Doctor Who every week. This morning my boss hugged me and told me not to call him “boss” anymore, because we have reached the point in our friendship that it was weird now. I am so happy I could die... but I won't.

4) I Met the Naked Lady

Have you ever seen somebody naked before you meet them?

It certainly doesn't happen to me often.

It was about a month ago, my beloved French friend Cycy and I had to clean the messaline aka The Mezz. Quite the job. We had to scrub mystery sludge, and sort through the old luggage, then recycle or dispose of anything that had been on the shelf for over a year.

Two large black suitcases were six months over due; we dubbed them abandoned then opened them to sort through what we could give to the poor, and what we could recycle. Inside I remember a few of the things that we found including: lingerie, green tea bags, a map with something circled on it, and multiple copies of a nude calendar featuring the same model.

You learn a lot about a person; going through their suitcase. Cycy and I exchanged different theories on who this woman could be, and why she never came back for her things. 

So then it was shift change for the receptionist; he came into the Mezz and saw the calendar. His jaw dropped and he said, “Oh my god. I know her!”

Apparently she is a regular at the hostel; has been for years.

The receptionist left promptly and red-in-the-cheeks to send a sincere apology email but not before telling us that we needed to put everything back because she would most certainly return this year.

And she did.

I'll admit, I didn't recognize her with her clothes on.

Be smart; hug all your friends; support local artists and buy a wall calendar.

Thanks for reading!

The Plot Thickens: Lost My Day Job

No adventure is complete without its ups and downs.

Yesterday I was informed, after 3 months of working part-time at the café just up the road, that I would be let go effective immediately. I asked why, and the answer I got was essentially that they were changing owners.

I don't know why changing owners means that I absolutely had to be “let go.” I'm sure theres a real reason somewhere. I wasn't the best worker in the place, and I didn't particularly like the work.

Whether the reason was personal or not, it happened. Now I must start all over again. Hit up all the job search engines and put out resumes to anyone and everyone who will hire me, so that I can have enough money by the end of the month to pay rent-

Hahahaha.

I am very fortunate. I was the one person, if they had to sac anyone, would probably be the least stressed about it. Although my precious ego is a bit bruised, realistically: I have no dependants; no landlord; and the life-saving free food shelf at Auberge Alternative.

That being said, I still need to make some money to pay off my student debt.

So I will need to find that income tout-suite. Thankfully I have been smart with my money lately, and have the luxury to take my time and choose to work for a company that shares my core values. I have to be proud of the work I do or else it's not fair to myself or the employer.

I am proud to work at Auberge Alternative. I knew as soon as I read up about them we would be a good match. This is going to sound like an ad, but it's not! Organic food, free food, and I can attest to only using natural cleaning products. The profit comes in from tourists who appreciate the same things, at a price which is absolutely fair. I have the utmost respect for the owner and the manager, and I adore the other employees who are still there for me after my traveller friends have moved on.

So as long as I continue to do good work here, I won't be homeless!

A great musician told me, “The more angsty your life is, the better your art will be.”

And I see her point. After getting over the initial shock of being fired my next thought was, “This will make a great blog post.”

I think secretly I am loving this uncertainty. I am standing on a surfboard at the peak of a pointy rock, and if I fall to one side its great adventure and everything I hope for, and on the other its homelessness, solitude and despair. Despair!!!!!

But like a bird who is perched on a thin twig I just know:

I'll be alright.

Thanks again for reading. I'll keep you updated on my (second!) job searching adventure as an anglophone Canadian with a moral compass in Montréal.

Make good choices my beloveds.  

[approx. 6 Months Rent Free] So I live in a hostel...

It wasn't always like this.

I used to live like a normal 20-something in several normal-to-subpar accommodations that were congruent to my budget and whatever mood I happened to be in at the time of lease signing.

That was until I packed up everything I owned in my Chevrolet Cobalt and moved from Lethbridge, Alberta to Montreal, Quebec.

My car packed and ready for the start of my big adventure. 

In the background is the house of a great musician, and a dear friend who let me live with her in exchange for tending her garden and caring for her cats. At this point I've been living rent free for 2 months. 

"The Scenic Route" my drive from Lethbridge to Montréal.

Why? Why? Why? WHY? 

I knew no one. I barely spoke French. I had no idea where my next pay check would come from.

I had my BFA and my debt. I had my car, my bike, my $30.00 tent and about 2 and a half months left of summer in case I didn't find anyplace to live. You're never homeless with a car and a tent... but only in summer.

Luckily, for the month of July 2015 I also had Auberge Alternative. A little arrangement I had made prior to leaving Lethbridge through Workaway where I would work part time in exchange for my lodging.

It was only supposed to last for one month. The plan was to (within that time): 1) Find a job. 2) Find an apartment 3) Become bilingual.

As the month went on it appeared that none of this was happening. Two weeks in and I had not found a job, therefore looking for an apartment was out of the question, and as it turns out: French is hard. You don't learn it in a month. You just don't.

So I got scared.

And I almost gave up. I called up my eternally lovely grandparents in Winnipeg asking if there was a chance I could stay with them (...again) and my old job to see if they would take me back.

Two things happened next:

1) I decided that I was in too deep and leaving now would be giving up. I gained the skill; courage! 

2) Turns out the workaway person who was supposed to come for August, wasn't going to come after all. And I had made friends with the owner and all the staff, I had put in my best effort all month, so they let me stay. 

And for that I am eternally grateful.

Now it is almost 4 months later, and I'm still here. 

I keep in mind that this is not a permanent situation.

But I am grateful for every day that: I come home and meet people from all over the world; I go for a walk in Old Montreal, which is just outside my doorstep; I moved to a city where I knew nobody, and yet I have not been lonely for a single day here. Not one single day.

And this to me, is exactly where I need to be.

So I decided to write a blog about it!

And that's why you're here. 

If you're still here.

Hi Mom :)

This has been a quick summary of the past few months. Now you know my situation. Obviously lots has happened that did not fit into this blog entry, as I am sure you have many more interesting things to do with your time and yet I am grateful you took irreplaceable time from your life to devote to me.

In return I hope to make you smile (or laugh, if I can), and show you how I am making it by living the "alternative" lifestyle and that you can do it too! If that is what would float your boat in particular. 

If you have any questions that you think I can answer, or suggestions for topics that I can write about please leave me a comment!

Thanks for reading! Bisous!